2025 was full of new decisions.
Some small, some bigger, none of them seeming like real risks at the time.
I had started making handmade items at the end of 2024, mostly as a way to escape my daily routine. It was something just for me — no expectations, no goals, no pressure.
Then a government grant appeared, promising to help me make a smoother start. According to the program, I could work from home because I had a young child, so it seemed perfect.
I opened a business. Paid social security for six months.
And every month felt like a mini-marathon:
- social media
- content creation (which turned out to be harder than I thought!)
- new products
- preparing for the shop launch
All that without childcare support and with a constant feeling of “I have to keep up.”
I built my website by myself.
Right when it was nearly done, I was told it had to be accessible — so I rebuilt it from scratch. Luckily I knew enough code not to panic, but it was another pressure I hadn’t planned for.
The inspection came, everything was approved, and I waited for the first payment of the grant.
Then the phone rang: “We need a business operating license.”
Operating licenses can’t be issued at home.
So either I found a physical shop, or I stopped.
I tried. I searched for something small and affordable, but it wasn’t in my plan, my finances, or my life — not with the expenses I already had.
And somehow, the thing I started for peace and joy became a cage of requirements.
Every new step came with another “must.”
And I wasn’t ready for that.
Maybe if I had done everything at my own pace, things would have been different. But I believed that working from home with financial support would allow me to contribute to my household and feel useful.
On top of all that, personal issues surfaced during 2025. The anxiety and sadness piled up. My body reacted — psychosomatic symptoms, thankfully mild and temporary, but still a signal.
By December, I chose a new beginning:
I closed my business.
But I didn’t close my creativity.
I will continue creating at the pace I started — without deadlines, without pressure. Because that’s how it calms me.
My products will now be available on Jamjar and Etsy.
And somewhere along the way I realized that starting from love and simplicity is different from starting to meet the conditions of a grant.
I wanted to make a video explaining all of this, but it’s still too fresh. It will happen — when I can say it without a knot in my stomach.
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